What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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