turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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