So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
