Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
