If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
