I think I died a long time ago.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
