Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Randomize
