Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
