the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
