i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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