how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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