I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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