it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
