Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
