Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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