if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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