TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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