She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
