she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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