There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
