i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
