this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
