Too much gin, very little bucket
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
