The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The beers last night were like the tears from god
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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