there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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