Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
