No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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