I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
handjob tips. give me some.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
