Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
