You made me cry and you don't even care
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
