i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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