There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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