bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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