you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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