Sponge bath it is.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
