Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
