hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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