He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
