When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
