Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
