I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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