Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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