Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
