Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
