So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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