my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
