The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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