just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
