Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
