The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
420 ftw
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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