i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
